Did some ignorant capitalist gorilla dare utter my name? You want Valeri Zelepukin? You cannot handle Valeri Zelepukin.

To those who don’t know, Valeri Zelepukin the keyboard champion of WSL. Yes, I make groan men weep. Yes, that typo on purpose. Because I watch your hockey, and it make me groan. I drop keyboard bombs like mother Russia do on Ukraine. Suck it Fedotenko.

Now that Sullivan get participation orange slice and is off playing with toy zamboni, we concentrate on the eight teams that remain competing for WSL Cup.

Straight from mother Russia, here are the picks for tonight’s games:

Mr. Sandman vs. Piston Honda:
Mr. Sandman squeaked by Valeri Zelepukin’ Communist brothers, the Polish Power of Soda Popinski. It was only squeak, like Russian Lada timing belt, because KGB make starting goalie for Popinski disappear. I hear he on vacation. Yes, vacation to gulag. Ha ha. Mr. Sullivan, Valeri still waiting on payment. Valeri don’t like waiting for payment. But now tired Mr. Sandman will try to beat #1 Piston Honda. Valeri wonder if Piston Honda is doping? I hear Frain use Sharapova doctor. Frain score all the points in WSL. His real name must be Frainov. But now he face Phantom Menace, word on street, Menace once played at higher level than Temple High School. But now like then, he a Phantom. Will this phantom menace Honda? Even if he do, Jenkins has soft spot for Honda. RIP CRV. Valeri predict tough battle early, but Honda run over Sandman at end. That ok, Sandman Valeri’s favorite team to share vodka with.

King Hippo vs. Don Flamenco:
This will be tight game. Bruce’s moustache will be deciding factor. Valeri look forward to pivotal crease violation. When it happen, everybody drink. Watch your toes MikeD. Then slam skate boot on dasher as #3 team falls to spinning Predator. Speaking of Predator, do you know why no Russian version of Capitalistic propaganda movie? In Russian version, the great Putin choked out Predator in opening scene. There was nothing else to film. All hail Putin.

Von Kaiser vs. Pizza Pasta:
Why two teams rested play last games while teams that play Monday play early games on Tuesday. Fuck them whiners. Maybe they shouldn’t suck like Ukrainian air defense? Suck it Fedotenko. Hopefully Flood have enough time to rest up for big game versus Big White. Big White remind me of big Russian tank rolling into Ukraine. Hahahaha. Suck it Fedotenko. Anyway, enough about Ukraine. We talking goaltending. In WSL, worrying about goalie means not scoring. Valeri say, let that gives advantage to Pasta Pizza. Pasta Pizza wins by 2.

Oh kay WSLers, that’s it from Valeri for now. Remember, no touching in the showers. That will get you sent to Siberia before big Saturday.

трогательная запрещено

Fuck. Losing sucks. So does leaving Wiss @ the break of dawn. Anus Burns, you owe me a new set of toes, I’m still bleeding.