On Stanley Cup Eve, I have many thoughts on season awards. What say you, League of Extraordinary Assholes?
1. The Shart Memorial Trophy = MVP Award – would go to the biggest knucklehead in the league – drinking, spectacles, long 4th periods, etc. The Seals’ candidate, for example would be our mascot/coach, Moose, who passed out on the lawn chairs out back and may or may not live in the parking lot. Proposed trophy is a urinal with a deuce in it.
2. Brotherton of the Year – biggest degenerate new guy, similar qualities to MVP. Father Brotherton, for example, should be posthumously named the 2012 winner for his legendary campaign. Proposed trophy is a baby drinking a 40oz.
3. Cabbage Patch Award – awarded to the young kid(s) in the league who play chippy and don’t partake in the 4th period. Example would be that Pink Floyd kid whose dad came to the games and breastfed him during intermissions, or probably that dick-hole w/ the blue shell on the Quakers who doesn’t shake hands. Proposed award is a lifetime ban from spring league.
4. Divorce patches – similar to hat trick patches, guys who have pissed off their wives off beyond the brink during the season. Big White Helmet in 2013 is a good example. Probably only give these out by request, might be a sore subject for some.
5. The Berkoff Award – worst team executive/GM. Proposed award would be a Mike Milbury mask or Haligan’s used wall-banger, along with a Dan Berkery driver’s license. Maybe this should be divided into hockey and 4th period categories, though, as the Maroons are fantastic in the stands.
6. Jersey retirement – for all you Ducks, I think we should have a Kempy retirement ceremony this year. That guy was at every playoff Saturday half-drunk by 9am, and as most of you know shattered his foot a few years ago with a jackhammer @ work.
Did I miss anything?
-BWH
Suggestion
10 years ago
Change the “Cabbage Patch Award” to the “Summer’s Eve” award and give it to the aforementioned player on the Quakers. I think we’ll then have to retire that award as he set the bar too high. Nobody could compete with that.
Tie Blomi
10 years ago
Fantastic.
Observer
10 years ago
How about ugliest mug in the league? BWH you could def win that one…
Kenny Wu
10 years ago
Is this BWH guy retarded at all?
#66
10 years ago
hahahaha @ Kenny Wu – yeah i think so man he’s probably the biggest loser in the league too
Chewbacca
10 years ago
leave bwh alone hes “special” ort ort ort
Suggestor
10 years ago
BWH is not ugly. He projects a rugged masculinity(actually have no idea who that is). And while that is a valiant effort on your part, you are going to have to do much better if you wish to compete with blue shorts for the title.
Hb
10 years ago
Can some one please post the email in it’s entirety. You know the one I’m talking about.
The Feminine Denier
10 years ago
Stop guys, he’s really sweet.
RonRadke
10 years ago
BWH is their an award for whose teeth most resemble the color of their jerseys? If so we can call the award the BWH award for the guy who has the worst jibbs on the yellow team ever year? Brush your teeth once in a while man you should get quit brushing your teeth with a corn on the cob
Angry Goalie
10 years ago
I bet BWH cranks it 5x a day not even kidding
Ghost of Kempy
10 years ago
The corn cob toothbrush stays! I had nice pearly whites until I ate your mommy’s snatch, it took quite the toll on the chiclets, damn near melted them. Gotta go, crank time.
pretty nice work by this guy…..we should steal this one year.
https://twitter.com/ColeyMick/status/474039140304949250/photo/1
Way to go Maroons!
On Stanley Cup Eve, I have many thoughts on season awards. What say you, League of Extraordinary Assholes?
1. The Shart Memorial Trophy = MVP Award – would go to the biggest knucklehead in the league – drinking, spectacles, long 4th periods, etc. The Seals’ candidate, for example would be our mascot/coach, Moose, who passed out on the lawn chairs out back and may or may not live in the parking lot. Proposed trophy is a urinal with a deuce in it.
2. Brotherton of the Year – biggest degenerate new guy, similar qualities to MVP. Father Brotherton, for example, should be posthumously named the 2012 winner for his legendary campaign. Proposed trophy is a baby drinking a 40oz.
3. Cabbage Patch Award – awarded to the young kid(s) in the league who play chippy and don’t partake in the 4th period. Example would be that Pink Floyd kid whose dad came to the games and breastfed him during intermissions, or probably that dick-hole w/ the blue shell on the Quakers who doesn’t shake hands. Proposed award is a lifetime ban from spring league.
4. Divorce patches – similar to hat trick patches, guys who have pissed off their wives off beyond the brink during the season. Big White Helmet in 2013 is a good example. Probably only give these out by request, might be a sore subject for some.
5. The Berkoff Award – worst team executive/GM. Proposed award would be a Mike Milbury mask or Haligan’s used wall-banger, along with a Dan Berkery driver’s license. Maybe this should be divided into hockey and 4th period categories, though, as the Maroons are fantastic in the stands.
6. Jersey retirement – for all you Ducks, I think we should have a Kempy retirement ceremony this year. That guy was at every playoff Saturday half-drunk by 9am, and as most of you know shattered his foot a few years ago with a jackhammer @ work.
Did I miss anything?
-BWH
Change the “Cabbage Patch Award” to the “Summer’s Eve” award and give it to the aforementioned player on the Quakers. I think we’ll then have to retire that award as he set the bar too high. Nobody could compete with that.
Fantastic.
How about ugliest mug in the league? BWH you could def win that one…
Is this BWH guy retarded at all?
hahahaha @ Kenny Wu – yeah i think so man he’s probably the biggest loser in the league too
leave bwh alone hes “special” ort ort ort
BWH is not ugly. He projects a rugged masculinity(actually have no idea who that is). And while that is a valiant effort on your part, you are going to have to do much better if you wish to compete with blue shorts for the title.
Can some one please post the email in it’s entirety. You know the one I’m talking about.
Stop guys, he’s really sweet.
BWH is their an award for whose teeth most resemble the color of their jerseys? If so we can call the award the BWH award for the guy who has the worst jibbs on the yellow team ever year? Brush your teeth once in a while man you should get quit brushing your teeth with a corn on the cob
I bet BWH cranks it 5x a day not even kidding
The corn cob toothbrush stays! I had nice pearly whites until I ate your mommy’s snatch, it took quite the toll on the chiclets, damn near melted them. Gotta go, crank time.