I’ll defer to the great but I do have my notes here and hope I’m in line.

go for it Still Not. I’ve been a Moosh lately. Martinez said you made good lines.
Tell me something good.

Tonight the playoffs begin and Valeri Zelepukin is back to tell you how it will go.

What you say? ‘Valeri, playoffs began yesterday.’ Bullshit. It not playoffs when everyone invited. This some kind of sissy American bullshit. Goodbye McMenamin’s and Cork. Pick up your orange wedges and participation trophies as you thank godless Soviet Union that you don’t play in country of real men.

As Jon B., hoagie sucker extraordinaire stated, tonight provide three excellent opportunities for hockey.

Yes, game one. Oreland Inn versus the Majerks. A few weeks ago we found out Majerks can win from stand. But can they win from ice? You wonder. Valeri decide. But Valeri want to know. Does Oreland Inn have goalie for game or some fat fuck who can’t see toes? Valeri says expect a close game with the Berkarovs keeping young Oreland unsettled. But in the end Valeri say, Oreland by one. Megaphone not help you now Majerks.

Game 2, Valeri take credit for lighting fire under City Tap House. Team is streakier than ManBearPig’s underwear. Fatty’s is going other way, like Russian car in some of these videos.
http://deadspin.com/5960511/the-definitive-russians-are-terrible-drivers-lowlight-reel But it get reversed tonight. Fatty’s win 8-6.

Game 3, this rematch last game. It was tie. That tell Valeri nothing. Other game was on a Saturday. Val also get nothing from that. Val like Murphy goalie. He from east of mother russia. Give Murphy’s team advantage. But we know Union Jacks can rev it up. But also know UJs suck when you think they going to be good. So I think Murphy’s shut them down. 4-1.

You all check back before Saturday for more wise advice from Val Zelepukin and Mother Russia.

Until next time, easy on the vodka.

Yo Val…shut up and pass the puck, eh?

Valeri go 4-4. Yes Majerks not keep it as close as Valeri promise. But it was close for while, and Oreland bring in good goalie. Nice move Oreland. Maybe Valeri grace you with his presence on Saturday.

But Valeri make one mistake before signing off. He forget to call result of Wednesday game between Pub & Kitchen and Jose Pistola’s. This game is tough. Not because Valeri have difficult time picking but because I like getting drunk at both bars. Actually I like getting drunk at all bars. Especially those who have excellent vodka selection from Mother Russia or good chicken wing. Buffalo remind me a lot of Mother Russia but Mother Russia have best chicken wing. Chickens near Chernobyl come with 6 wings.

Anyway, on to the matchup.

Pub & Kitchen have slight advantage in goal. But it is just slight as the acupuncturist is big target. And big targets can mesmerize P&K’s lousy shooters. Also, only Jose Pistola’s has Canadian. Canadians are the second best hockey players in the world, but not as good as Mother Russia. Only time these teams meet in regular season Pub & Kitchen won 4-2. KGB & I expect similar result this time. Watch your back Aubrey Kent. KGB might be after you.

I must go now. Before KGB find me.

no more pollution, no more car exhaust, or ocean dumpage. From now on, we will travel in tubes!

Get the scientists working on the tube technology, immediately.

slam dunk contest?

Hey Val,

You’re counting your six-winged chickens before they hatch. You only went 3 for 3 last night.