Who will “Hack-Wood” endanger tonight? Another crosscheck from behind into the boards or the old stick to the face?!

I see wizards…

What, did OI send out the backup team?

couldn’t agree more about Lisa Loeb, I still get tingly when I hear that song, like when I used to climb the rope in gym class.

Stop talking about my woman like that. Or I’ll have Chewie shove his big hairy sloth foot up all your asses.

I feel it’s a shame Mr. Kobayashi was the unlucky fellow to take a Poom Poom Reddah slapper to the jugular. A shot to number 5’s crotcheral region would have been a much better ending. Go back to whore island 5.
Keep it classy Wissahickon

PowerRankings! Wins/G GF/G GA/G Total
OI 9.5 10 7 26.5
Murphy’s 6 8 10 24
Fatty’s 9.5 6 8 23.5
Pub and Kitchen 8 5 9 22
Union Jacks 6 9 6 21
Jose Pistolas 5 7 5 17
The Cork 3.5 2 4 9.5
McMenamin’s 2 4 3 9
City Tap House 3.5 3 2 8.5
MaGerk’s 1 1 1 3

Is a pirate hooker better or worse than a regular hooker? How about a crack whore?

Fuck Elias. Fuck original power rankings guy who never followed up.

Me, Valeri Zelepukin of beloved Russia and former members of the KGB have calculated the below rankings.

Down with WSL, up with USSR!

Power Rankings:
#1 Murphy’s – Looks like Murphy’s only early season problem was attendance. Now Murphy’s is everyone else’s problem. The team has outscored its opposition 46 to 6 during its six game winning streak. In mother Russia, this entitle you to beautiful young Russian girl. You ever wonder why there no beautiful older Russian woman? I do.

#2 Magerk’s (Off of the ice) – Amplifiers, microphones, sound effects and some golden heckles. The hecklers created a true home ice advantage for Union Jack’s last night. These guys the Alan Eagleson of WSL. Comrades be happy to drink motherland’s vodka with you.

#3 Fatty’s – OK, this Pisko kid might be alright. Not sure how Fatty’s added another “A” guy, maybe KGB? But he makes Fatty’s more than just a one dimensional squad.

#4 Union Jack’s – Last night’s trashing of Oreland Inn was what we originally expected from Union Jack’s. Consistency has been UJ’s problem, but maybe they learned something last night. Just stop celebrating Hockey Bob, mother Russia does not approve.

#5 Oreland Inn – Oreland falls to the #5 spot off of last night’s debacle. Can this young team regroup? Can they stand up to the heckling of the playoffs? Imagine if they threatened with Siberia? They go cry to mommy?

#6 Pub & Kitchen – Goaltending wins playoff games, but will it win the Shitshow Cup? The offense is too erratic to be trusted.

#7 Jose Pistola’s – 5-5-1, that makes them mediocre. That’s what they are. But they’ve won the games they should. But big deal, that just means your better than ….

#8 Cork – These underperformers are only going as far as “Big White” is going to take them. Judging by his performance this year, that’s to the liquor store. No borscht for you.

#9 McMenamin’s – This team has a consistent offense. They’ve scored 5 goals a game in four of the last five. Unfortunately they’ve given up 8 or more. Even P&K touched them for an eight spot. Come to Val, we have ways of making your problems “disappear.”

#10 City Tap House – Seven straight losses has CTH scraping the bottom. But at least they’re not ….

#11 Magerk’s (on ice) – As good as Magerk’s is after they play, they’re that bad on the ice. They like to boast that they’re going to turn it on for the playoffs. We have a feeling they must be referring to their amp.

Thank you for your time. I would stay and chat but must get back to motherland. See you at the Shitshow.

Dear Val,

This is easily the best post all year comrade. You and the MikeyMush betting lines should be weekly features, worth te subscription free.

If you could make my girlfriend and her yet-unborn fetus “disappear” I will gladly buy you a bowl of borscht.

Signed
DJ Real Gil

Where’s the original Power Rankings? Quit Stalin and give us your Marx!

Thankfully these Soviet-built Power Rankings arrived in the Sputnik of time! I don’t know what all this DisPutin is about, Murphy’s has Gorbachoved themselves to be superior above all other teams.

Don’t make me go all Drebin on you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foll8sDGq4M